When the brain hurts, you know you're learning!

After a couple of months of trying to revive my Italian, yesterday was the first time I spoke with a Italian! Despite my Italian being a lot fresher in my mind, I was still terrible! A lot of people would probably say that I'm being a bit harsh on myself, but if I am it's only because I have high standards of myself. The point is, I learnt Italian for 2 years before going to Italy for a couple of months and spoke it everyday. Now, after a year of inactivity, my Italian is right back down at A1 level (in terms of speaking, my knowledge of grammar and words is higher) and that drives me nuts!

I have a little history of this, working flat out on something and then burning out and letting my knowledge and ability fade away because the time and energy I thought I needed to put in everyday was unmanageable. I've done this mostly with instruments: flute, guitar and piano. I got to a good level in all of them but because I was working so hard on them, when a day or week came that I couldn't practise I thought I was a failure and slowly let everything slide. Total rubbish. still play, but not as consistently as I'd like. If only there were 36 hours in a day!

Anyway, my session yesterday! I found a Community Tutor on italki, which is a great site for finding people to talk to in your target language. I wanted a community tutor and a professional teacher for the following reasons;
- I'm unsure of my current level (reading, writing, speaking and listening are all at different stages) so I decided to only focus on conversation as that needs the most improvement
- I love learning grammar! So I don't need a teacher to give me exercises, I can do it myself and then practise with my tutor.
- Community tutors are usually cheaper. The teachers are also cheap, but for my needs I community tutor is enough.
- There is no exchange! Of course you can find people to talk to for free over Skype but normally they will want to practise your native language as well. I've nothing against this! But when time is short, I'd rather keep the focus on my progress (therefore, I pay, hehehe).

The session was only a trial and the majority of it was in Italian. Woo! But, I was terrible. The words I knew came easily and my grammar wasn't too bad but when I needed a word, that I knew I knew, I couldn't find it! It was a horrible feeling! Unsurprisingly, German slipped out quite a bit but I felt better when I was done because it dusted off the cobwebs on the Italian bookshelf in my head and I knew exactly which words I was missing, which are needed in everyday conversation.  Despite the exhausted feeling I felt, I knew I'd learnt or re-learnt something. With consistent practise, I know I will only get better!

What I also remembered, which I consider the most important thing, is that I love Italian! I love speaking it, how I feel when speaking it and how wonderful it sounds when it flows. Loving a language doesn't mean you'll learn it automatically. A language needs time and dedication to learn, but when you love the language you're learning, it doesn't seem like a chore.

Sometimes, you've got to do what best for you!

When I decided to take up such a challenge, I knew it would be far from easy. But I believed, and I still do, that it is attainable; especially with the good old saying 'Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars'.
So, I've started out well. Just over a month of refreshing basic Italian everyday, along with learning more German, I'm making progress. I've got to admit, the German hasn't gone great! I haven't extended my vocabulary as much as I'd like to have done so far, but I haven't gotten any worse! My Italian has been pretty regular and right now, the language feels more reachable in my mind. Baring in mind I've had a 2-week holiday back in Jolly-old England (where I did nothing but go to the Olympics and then watch the rest from my comfy home sofa!), I'm pretty pleased.
NOW was when the hard work was really meant to start...and it will...but on assessment of everything, I have to re-assess my goals.
'Here we go...the excuses are starting...she can't be bothered to really try.' No doubt some people will think this, but I know better than anyone what works for me. Even if, in the past I have been so afraid to fail that I haven't really tried (this mind set is probably the reason I only got a 2:1 degree and not a first).
The goals are now as follows:
By January 2013 achieve C1 German and B1 Italian.
I won't be doing an exam in Italian in December, so I have pushed that back to March next year (the C1 exam). But the German C1 exam is still ago, and might be in exactly 13 weeks time. During that time, I'll be going to school Monday to Friday, as well as fulfilling my Au pair duties (and I have to say, being an Au pair is not exactly a clock-in, clock-out job). However, to make it to the C1 course I have to pass a B2 test, which is in 8 weeks! Considering this, trying to build up my Italian as well still seems pretty nonsensical. But I'll still be doing it.
This first month was really to see if I would confuse these two languages, but as I studied Italian at home for two years and have spoken nothing but German for the last 7 months, it seems they've chiseled out their own little sections in my brain. That is something that really excites me, and makes me believe even more that what I want is reachable.
So then, here's to some funny posts about the journey ahead! No doubt that the next 13 weeks will be full of ups and downs and lingual errors!

Io seguo il gregge...perché sono il lupo.

As much as I love this phrase, "I follow the flock...because I am the wolf", I don't consider myself very wolf-like. No grey hair (thank goodness!), no long nose,  no sharp teeth and no real predatory instincts. However, I rarely follow the flock as one of the sheep! When something big comes out at the cinema, a new book craze (e.g. Harry Potter) on a new trend appears, I never watch/read/do it myself unless it is actually something that appeals to me. So, now we've established that this phrase doesn't relate to me at all. A pretty pointless entry to a blog then, eh? Well, no.

As I'm sure most people can see, il gregge can be anything and il lupo can be anyone. And right now this Lupo is ready to pounce, well I will be, on two language exams this winter (Dec/Jan). Based on the blog title, I'm sure that's come as no surprise. I'm intending to do a C1 Italian exam (Certificazione di Italiano come Lingua Straniera) and a C1 German exam (Goethe-Insitut).

I've only 5 months until the next available Italian exam and 5 and half- 6 months for the German exam, depending where I go to take it. The could be impossible or really easy, as it all comes down to my level in these languages now! Sorry, I'm no beginner in these languages but I am also no where near C1 (Common European Framework) level in them either. Last year I achieve B1/B2 level in Italian, which is now extremely rusty!!! Even basic sentences are hard for me to think of, and this is down to me not practising it enough. Simple. But I love it and am determined to finished what I started. I'm also B1 level in German, the difference being that I'm living in Germany now and working as an Au Pair, big advantage! So I'm pretty confident about the German exam as I speak German all the time, but Italian will require a lot of effort and planning on my behalf. But I know, the elation I will feel when I manage both of the exams will make all the hard work worth it!

I'm not sure of my challenge is actually 'crazy', but for this Lupo it is crazy enough! I love languages and have a great passion for them, so half the battle is already won. Well then, I best get to it. Los gehts! Andiamo!